“Mom, aren’t you done yet?” asks my 14 year old.
“I have the title done,” I jokingly answer.
“Mooooooommmmm!” he scolds. “You need to be done so we can play Monopoly!”
Big Sigh. Again. I rub my head.
Yesterday I missed our Brigade’s Change of Command Ceremony because I slept in. I didn’t hear my two alarms that were set 15 minutes apart – either that or I turned them off and went back to sleep without remembering. I feel horrible!! Especially since I had reached out to the new Commander’s Wife with my self-righteous sword blazing, aiming to sever threads of injustice among Brigade Spouses. Sounds pretty ridiculous doesn’t it? It should – I was very full of myself. And after putting up that stink, I missed the Change of Command.
So after my morning began with that mishap, I made myself sit down and COMMIT to my business decision. I filed the paperwork to establish an LLC – Button Pressed. If I accidently type Pressed Buttons, forgive me lol…I keep getting it backwards. The jewelry part of the business will be “Button Pressed ~designs by Jenny” and the blog part of the business will be “Button Pressed.” Yesterday I set up my Facebook page, Pinterest account, EBlogger account, and Gmail account. I registered the business and began the application for a local Holiday craft bazaar filled with awesomeness – the Yule Mart. As I look at the numerous tasks that still wait to be completed – business cards, professional bio photos, other social media accounts, set-up for a baby shower I am hosting this weekend – another Big Sigh.
All of this on top of being a Mom, a Homemaker and a Wife. I used to be able to juggle all of that and I miss being that Superwoman. But to be perfectly honest – when I did juggle everything including working and attending school full-time – that’s how I ended up with an emotional breakdown after 12 years of marriage. I have chronicled my Army journey, but for me this journey began when I broke down. Humans learn through mistakes. Without mistakes there is no growth. Scars make or break our souls and I owe it to my husband, family, friends and myself to heal mine in a productive manner.
These past couple of weeks I have been behind in housework. Behind in meal planning and grocery shopping. Months behind in balancing the checkbook – I am so thankful for automatic payments! Bathrooms get cleaned over a two week period – one morning the mirror, the next afternoon the toilet. When people come over, my closet is the stashing place for all to be hidden. Thanks to my wonderful family genes, my mustache & goatee are nicely grown in and so overdue for a WAX! And as I am trying to write this, my 14 year old is peppering me with questions – “Do you know what ASDF movies are?” “I need to show you on You Tube.” “Are you going to Vlog?” “Are you done yet?” “When are we going to play Monopoly?” “Can we give the dog coffee?” “Pssst – mom, mom, mom?”
WHAT?? “I love you.”
So let me tell you about my dream reality show, “Project Run Away.” In this show, I get in my car and drive. Sometimes I take a motorcycle. A beautiful one with mother-of-pearl panels on the tank. At times I am a secret agent Black Widow wonder woman with beautiful, slow motion action shots of powerful aerobatic moves. But always, I drive and drive and drive. I feel the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. I lay my head on the night sky as thousands of stars wrap me in a soothing embrace. I drive in these daydreams for peace but always with the intention of returning. I see places that Craig and I will visit when he retires. Places and adventures I have promised to myself. Project Run Away.
I bring myself back to TODAY. Blog post done? Check. Three things off my list, ten more to go. I blew my self-imposed “6 tasks assigned each day” rule many weeks ago. I schedule way too many things and hope to find a balance. As I think back on this post I ask myself, “What has this to do with military wives?” And I answer –
It doesn’t have anything to do JUST with military wives. This is a wife story, a mom story, an every woman story. We are all sisters and together we can do so many beautiful things!
~ This chapter of my life began December 19, 2011, on the day I married my husband, Craig C. Smith, an active duty soldier with 29 years of serving in the Army under his belt at that time. Three years later I jokingly and naïvely announced my official title of “Army Wife” on Facebook when I received a used copy of “The Army Wife Handbook” by Ann Crossley and Carol A. Keller only to be told by one of Craig’s longtime friends that apparently I married Craig for his social security check. I am so glad that was cleared up for me! I thought I had married Craig because I love him. Even though I can seem tough, I am an extremely kind-hearted and introverted person. Comments like the social security check really hurt even though I am may seem otherwise. I have forever been told that I think outside-of-the-box and it’s helped me on many occasions, this being one. As a child, mother and wife I have been molded to be a caretaker. 3 ½ years of marriage and a rocky introduction into Army life, I have found my purpose; to take care of others. To use my creativity and empathy to share experiences, encourage others to share experiences; to knock down some walls or at the very least, to pick at the cracks. Thank you for taking this journey with me to find and share my voice. I hope to help others find theirs.
Join Jennifer Smith over the next six weeks as she shares her personal journey, “Learning as I Go”. This is the fifth installment in her series.