Almost Normal

It’s been a tough road the past couple weeks for me emotionally.  I’m dealing with some rather intense things at home that’s leaving me with a constant stomach ache.  Although that sucks, it’s life.  I’m happy to report that even though things are incredibly stressful, I’m doing really good.  I did have some manic issues last weekend, but it wasn’t over the top and I was able to keep myself in check.  

I saw Dr. Sobel yesterday and we decided to up my Geodon to 120 mgs a day.  Hopefully this will keep the manic episodes at bay completely.  My Neurontin will stay the same at 300 mgs. 

I have to admit that I’m sick of myself.  I’m tired of taking this journey and wish that I could just take a vacation away from me.  I just want one month free of depression, anxiety and mania.  It’s hard seeing Dr. Sobel every few weeks and going through the long checklist of side effects of both bipolar and medications.  I can’t wait for the day that he says that I’m doing great and he’ll see me in three months! The day that happens I’m making my husband take me out to a fancy dinner to celebrate!  I know that will happen someday, I’m just a bit impatient.

I started doing this blog so that I can hopefully encourage others to open up about their own journeys through mental illness.  The texts and comments I get from sharing my story are so encouraging.  I don’t know what I would do without those words of encouragement. This is a really long journey I’m taking.  There unfortunately is no magic pill that will make me ‘normal’.  Everyone is different and will need time to figure out the right combination of meds and therapy. I need to keep reminding myself of this.  It’s the kind words from friends, family and strangers that keep me plugging away. I can’t wait to get to my ‘normal’.  When I do, I know all of you will be celebrating along with me.  


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