I’ve had three hours to adjust to the news and now I NEED to write it. I saw Dr. Sobel today and we’ve decided to try a different medication. Oh. Yay. 40 mg of Geodon, one of the newer drugs used to treat bipolar manic or mixed episodes. I will continue to take Respridol for the next week and then stop. I’m also still on my low dose of Effexor. After a week I jump to 80 mg of Geodon. Hopefully I won’t get any unusual side affects like itchy skin with this one.
Now, how do I feel about this change? Well, let’s put it this way, is it too much to ask that this one works? That this drug is the one to finally make me feel better? I’m just so ready to feel better. I’m ready to see a pretty day like today and go take a walk. I’m ready to go on that run I promised myself I’d do this week. I’m ready to want to actually call a friend and just chat. I hate when I’m in that place of isolation, with no way out. This is hard.
But, as hard as it is right now, I know I can do this. I will make it to the other side of all this, I’m just getting impatient. There are so many drugs out there, and I will eventually find the right fit. But I’m totally and uniquely me, it will take time to find the one that works just right. Thankfully I have a family that supports and tries to understand what I’m going through. Remember, if you have a friend that suffers from mental illness, send them that text to just check in. It makes a difference. If you’re the one suffering, don’t forget to give yourself a break, It takes time to heal.