Most everyone knows by now that there have been points in my husband’s military career were I have struggled- emotionally. I became depressed because of: lack of self-worth, frequent moves-often leaving good friends, lack of employment, or feeling alone and isolated. Because I have been so forthcoming with my own experiences I have taken criticism- and it isn’t always (usually not) constructive.

I am a “hack” of a milspouse-“or at least that’s what people say.” (cue Taylor Swift) What I really am- a weary spouse. A mom whose tried to hold down the fort without seeking help; because that would make me a hack. And educated professional that has tried too hard and long looking for adequate work, which has affected my self-esteem. But to say anything I am whining, I am a dependa, or I am a hack.

The very things that make me a “hack” of a milspouse are the reasons that I have struggled- because like many spouses I have tried.

Because I have openly shared my story, others have reached out to me, and I KNOW I am not alone in these feelings. Do you know what happens when you label someone that is struggling as sub-par? You take’em down another notch, when they may already be lingering by a thread. Your’e weakening the spirit of someone that collectively we should be building up; BECAUSE we are a COMMUNITY. They say it takes a village- and that village can either burn you down or build you up.

It SUCKS that our community so often chooses to tear each other down, because I KNOW you are a HECK of a milspouse.

What we are, is: spouses that have stood with our service spouses through many deployments, and frequent moves. Parents that have raised great little citizens- often with little help. We have watched friends move away, and said friendships dissolve. Our service members may be war-weary, and I would gather as milspouses we are weary-worn.

Next time you would like to utter the words “dependa” or “hack” think twice of what maybe lurking beneath for that milspouse.

And if you are being called out of your name, any of these deplorable names, KNOW that you ARE a HECK of a milspouse.


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6 Responses to Hack of a Spouse

  1. Jo says:

    I think I have doubts about myself every other minute of every day– especially when it comes to my career and earning power. I can completely relate to the loss of self-worth that sadly seems to come all to frequently with being a military spouse.Thank you for linking up with us, Liz!!

  2. Lauren Tamm says:

    Such an important perspective to share, and I’m so glad that you did. This is exactly what I am talking about, girl! As a community we need to convey empathy, give spouses the benefit of the doubt and offer friendship. In this challenging time for military families with the ever-changing global climate, it is my hope that we will as start to unite rather than divide. It’s spouses like you who give other spouses HOPE.

  3. Kimberly says:

    Love your hack/heck play on words!

  4. Brittney says:

    I love this! I totally agree that we should be building each other up. We’re one HECK of a community! 😉

  5. says:

    Reblogged this on teammilitaryspouseblog.

  6. I love this too! Don’t worry you are not alone. I have doubted myself too and I just got married with my sailor 1 week ago. Sending positive thoughts your way. I wish I knew a lot of military spouses that can relate to me.

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