I HATE being a Debbie Downer. I hate feeling just, Blah. But, that is where I’m at and I have to keep telling myself that I’m okay. I’m not feeling depressed really, just kind of numb.
I’m still on 2 mg of Respridal and 37 of Effexor. Due to some other medical problems, I’m seeing a new neurologist. The medication I have been on for my restless leg syndrome, affects the serotonin in the brain. Since my bipolar meds also do this, she suggested that we try a new medication, that will not affect it. I was really pleased to have my neurologist ask so many questions and want to treat the whole me.
I also saw my therapist this week, and she told me like it was! I have not been doing so good at going for the past couple of months. She explained the importance of going on a consistency and we agreed that I’d go every other week, until we made some real progress on my medication changes. I have to tell you, it’s really hard being so committed to your own treatment, but I know I really have to keep up with this. I really don’t want to go back to that “dark place” ever again. I was just there a few months ago and it was the worst feeling I’ve ever, ever had and I couldn’t imagine going there again. I’m not brave enough to put out there what happened, but I need you to understand that I was really scared and it was a turning point for me to get better help. I am committed to seeing this through and I know seeing my therapist on a consistent level is a part of that.
I told my therapist about feeling so numb and just blue. We talked a bit about it and she said she’d call Dr. Sobel and make sure to tell him. That is the biggest comfort to me, I wonder if others feel the same way about that as I do? Knowing I have a team looking out for me makes me overwhelmingly thankful. I feel like with two of them looking out for me, I can better avoid the “dark place.”
So, another week is passed. I am not doing great, but I’m far from doing bad, and I have to be okay with that. I knew going in to this that this would not be quick and would be far from easy. But my happy is just right around the corner and I can’t wait to get there!