Last Christmas I was living a fraud…..During a season where everyone is supposed to be happy, I was faking the funk. My husband was deployed, my sister just moved to Germany, I was thousands of miles from family, and the “happiest time of the year,” for me was the worst.
I didn’t value myself, and hadn’t for months- if not years. I didn’t understand that I am worthy not because of what I was supposed to be to others, but because I just am. It didn’t matter if I was “Super-mom”, the best wife, a good employee; I didn’t see my value for myself. My life, it felt as though, was beginning to unravel.
But for the benefit of others I put on a smile. I wished others a “Merry Christmas.”. I prayed, oh did I pray- I prayed that I would become a better person; and when I didn’t think that prayer was being fulfilled, I prayed some more.
Over the course of the past year; through a hospital stay, my husbands life threatening accident and other small events that now seem insignificant I have learned to be in the moment- that sometimes the “moment” is the only place where we can find our happiness, and when we can’t find the happiness in the moment, knowing that moments don’t last forever sometimes eases the situation.
So dear friend, I know that the holidays are not always filled with joy. That sometimes the holidays simply are not all we had hoped they were to be. If we all became real with each other and acknowledged each others plights- regardless of the time of the year it would be easier to wrap the gifts, and trim the tree. So today friend, I offer you grace and understanding, a hug and a smile. While I know things might not always be okay, it will only last awhile.