Walking on Egg Shells
Through counseling I have learned that one of the reasons I hit a “breaking point” in March was because I was walking on egg shells. Let me back track, within the past year my family has moved across country, I left my job, my husband deployed and my husband returned; all things typical for a military family. But this time was different…..
The deployment felt different than his previous four, the move was different than our previous three- I was leaving behind a life where I began to feel valued for me and I left a job that I had begun to establish myself in. I didn’t and don’t begrudge any of these life changes; but as usual I was caring for others before myself. Making sure that my kids were adjusting well, that the home was running smoothly so that my husband could ensure our “family readiness”; in the midst I neglected myself.
Through the deployment I cared for my kids, often having their friends over- believing that it was easier in numbers and submerged myself in volunteering and other things that would keep me busy; all things I enjoy and have done for years and will continue to do- without submerging.
When my husband returned home in early February I began to walk on egg shells. I had envisioned the perfect homecoming, the perfect reunion and adjustment period; that getting back to “normal” would be easy. Our homecoming went well and the reunion was great; with just one problem I was beginning to walk on eggshells. I wanted my husband to not have to worry about anything, to just be happy to be home, so I tried to shelter him from the kid’s arguments, or chores that took too long to get done.
One of the problems with walking on egg shells is at some point they crack. It may be a little snap or one straight down the center but under continued pressure they give. In March I cracked under the pressure that I had put on myself; the expectations that I had on what I thought should have been. The other problem with walking on egg shells is that you are devaluing the strength of those you are trying to protect. Through the help of my therapist I am learning that when I walk on eggshells with anyone I am not truly confident in the other person’s strength or ability and by doing so I am stunting the growth of a relationship and the individual.
Sometimes all we need to avoid walking on egg shells is a neutral party to listen to us. If you are feeling this way please reach out to one of the resources below:
- Emergency – 911
- Military Crisis Line – 1-800-273-TALK (8255) – Press 1
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
- Military One Source – 1-800-342-9647
- The Defense Center of Excellence (DCoE) – 1-866-966-1020
- Wounded Soldier and Family Hotline – 1-800-984-8523
CONUS DSN: 421-3700
OCONUS DSN: 312-421-3700